I surprised myself when I only applied to one college. A college 2,000 miles away from anyone I knew. I saw "New York," and couldn't have hit that APPLY button any faster.
Why? I don't know. All I know is that I lay in my bed for hours at night and wonder, "What the hell am I gonna do in New York?"
I have no idea what I'm doing. And as much as I love to nag friends to "exercise daily" or "plan accordingly," I must confess that I do not practice what I preach. Nothing I plan works out in my favor. Nothing. I have literally been riding the waves for as long as I could remember.
When I was in 5th grade, I wanted to be a pharmacist. Why? I don't fucking know.
When I was in the 6th grade, I wanted to be an interior designer. I was redecorating my room at the time and thought I knew enough from magazines and TV shows to create a beautiful room. I was wrong.
When I was in the 7th grade, I wanted to become a crime scene investigator. I started watching CSI: Miami and CSI: New York and thought that solving mystery murders was my calling because I was so good at the game Clue as a child (I'm not anymore, if you were wondering). It only took motherfucking 5 years to figure out that syringes and DNA testing was not the shit I thought it was.
When I was a freshman in high school, I wanted to become an Oscar award winning actress. WHAT THE FUCK????????? And yes, that dream is still very much alive. How am I gonna get there? You guessed it; I don't fucking know. This is one of those things that I tell myself I'm going to do at some point and hope I pull through.
What do I wanna do now, you ask? I wanna become an aerospace engineer. And don't be stupid, I don't wanna go into space, I just wanna make the spacecraft that takes people into space. But I know what you're thinking for the 26,485th time: what the fuck. I like space, okay? Because you know what's so fucking amazing about space? It's a mystery to everyone. It's literally (not literally) a big, fat question mark. That's me. I'm a big, fat, walking, talking, breathing, fangirling question mark. And I can't believe I let myself cry about this for so many nights. It's only taken my whole life to realize that we're all huge ass question marks. People will try to deceive you and make you think that they are a period or even an exclamation point, but I'm going to tell you right now that they are probably the biggest fucking question mark you've ever seen. Everyone is riding the waves. It all just depends on whether you're riding on a boogie board or a ship. It's gonna be smoother for some than others. But you just gotta remember that we're all gonna make it to shore at some point.
So, I guess you could say I'm "yoloing" this whole moving to NYC thing. And that's okay. It's just another tidal wave closer to my final destination.
Did you know when you're in space the skin on your feet starts to flake off because you longer have use to them, so your skin starts to soften and peel off? Is that not the nastiest thing you've ever heard? It's so fucking cool!